Experiencing Feeling :
Part of the essence of the ‘Feeling’ function is valuing each individual’s experience and perspective and using these as the basis for making decisions. It can be hard for ‘Thinking’ types to include things that seem to them “illogical” or irrelevant.
The trick is to keep in mind that the experience, perspective and emotions of each individual involved are relevant – logical or not.
To experience introverted feeling:
1. Make a list of values that are most important to you, most central to your identity. Use something like CPP’s Rokeach Values Survey to assist you if you are not used to clarifying your values. Using this list, evaluate a normal day in your life to support what you believe in, what you value. Or keep a journal in which you regularly evaluate your life in terms of your values.
2. Think of something that you value deeply about someone else and find an occasion, one-to-one, to express directly what it is and why is important to you. Include how that quality makes your life better.
3. The next time you have a conflict with someone who is important to you – a valued colleague, your partner, your child – take some time alone to evaluate the situation. Ask yourself, “What is most important to me about this relationship? Where could I compromise or let go of something to bring more harmony to this relationship? Can I give up being right in order to be loyal to the relationship? How would that feel?” Then explore your thinking, honestly and openly directly with that person.
4. In a group meeting, listen carefully to the discussion and the different points of view. Try to identify the common threads, the shared underlying values or other ways of seeing things that might unite the differing viewpoints. Try to summarise and express these as a basis for consensus.
5. In a group situation, take the role of observer, looking for verbal and non-verbal signals that indicate that a particular individual may be feeling uncomfortable or left out. Think about how you would feel if you were that person. Then, find something to say or do that will help alleviate the person’s discomfort – go and sit by him/her, ask a question in his/her area of expertise, etc.
To experience extraverted feeling:
1. Identify two or more people you would like to know better. Then, in a relaxed, non-work-related setting (over lunch, for example), ask them questions that help you get to know them as individuals apart from their task-oriented side. Notice each person’s expressions and body language, and adjust your interactions to what you sense he or she is feeling.
2. When you need to make a decision, stop and list all the people who will be affected in any way by this decision. Be especially careful not to leave out those who may be dependent on you. Consider each person and put your self in his or her place, imagining how the decision will affect the person emotionally. Check how successfully you have done this by going to a few people and asking them to give you their viewpoint. Include this information in your decision.
3. When there is conflict between you and another person, try to discuss the areas you agree on before focusing on or resolving the problem. Take turns stating a point where you could adjust, modify or give in to reach agreement.
4. In a meeting, listen to what people are saying and then try to state what you agree with in each person’s position, even if it is just a minor point. If you can’t find any point of agreement, try to focus on anything real and positive about that person’s participation.
Buy a box of notecards and some stamps to keep on hand. Whenever someone has done something that was helpful to you – even if it was part of their job – write a short note thanking them and telling them how it made your life easier. Address, stamp and post it immediately.
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